


This Is Not What You Trained Me For!

by madelou



Category: Kung Fu Panda (2008)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-04-22
Updated: 2009-04-22
Packaged: 2018-01-20 22:43:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1528391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/madelou/pseuds/madelou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Furious Five, the Dragon Warrior, and their Master decide to play a game of strip poker. But things get a little more heated up than planned... Inspired by Poker Face by Lady Gaga.</p>
            </blockquote>





	This Is Not What You Trained Me For!

"WHO WANTS TO PLAY POKER?!" Po screeched.

The Furious Five and their Master looked to where Po sat at the kitchen table.

"...And you're screaming... why?" Tigress irritatedly asked.

"I dunno, it seemed fun."

Mantis had a grin on his face and quickly glanced to Viper and looked away in an instant. "Sounds like fun to me!"

One by one they agreed to play, Tigress being the last to oblige. Shifu, however, resumed what he was doing before; eating the deliciousness that is Po's Secret Ingredient Soup.

"Aww c'mon Shifu!" Po whined.

"First of all, it's Master Shifu to you. And second of all, I don't like poker, it always leads to bad things in the end," said Shifu, who looked a bit worried at this point.

Tigress edged closer to her Master and rested her head on his shoulder. "C'mon Master, it'll be fun." she said with a smile that she knew he could not resist.

Shifu thought for a minute, then nodded. "Alright. Let's get this game started."

Mantis smirked and whispered in Po's ear. Shifu's ears twitched, but picked nothing up. Soon after being told the secret, Po smirked along with Mantis and left the other five wondering what they were up to.

Po tried not to laugh while he explained the details of the game. "Okay, so I'm assuming you all know how to play poker? Good! 'Cuz we're adding a twist."

Shifu glanced to Tigress nervously, and she gave him a reassuring smile in return.

"Whenever you lose a game, the loser is told to take off one article of clothing, chosen by the winner." Po and Mantis were grinning again. Tigress showed no sign of emotion, not even anger. She simply moved to the door and opened the door.

Only to find it was locked.

"PO WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?! I'M NOT GIVING UP MY DIGNITY FOR SOME FUCKING POKER GAME!" Tigress roared. Po was in deep now.

"But Tigress, it's totally worth it-"

...and he was only interested in getting himself deeper.

Tigress punched Po so hard he almost went through the ceiling, but to her dismay, he did not. There goes the only means of escaping...

"Well apparently we're not getting out of here unless we do play, Tigress, so better get it over with. At least they're not complete strangers, right?" sighed Viper, ever the optimist.

"Let's begin then, shall we?" Mantis prodded.

The first game didn't last long. Tigress lost, and Monkey had the best hand.

"Your shirt..." Monkey said. She could tell he wasn't as interested in the stripping part as Po and Mantis seemed to be. She lost the shirt.

Another game, another loser. Crane lost this time, and Viper won.

"Your pants." Viper said with a wink. Crane let out an 'ooh' and proceeded to take off his pants.

Game time again, and the loser was Tigress once again. Po had one, much to Tigress's disappointment.

"Take off your pants!" Po said, way too excitedly.

Tigress saw the slightest hint of a camera beneath the table, and she was about to whack Po upside the head and make him wish he'd never been born, when that job was taken by someone else.

Shifu promptly smacked Po and left a red mark across the panda's face.

"How disrespectful." he commented. "You should know better than to degrade someone like that." After he spoke, that discussion was over, and Po actually got the hint.

Tigress lost a couple more times, and lost her bra and her underwear, squeezing her legs together and hugging herself in the corner of the room. She had Viper play for her the rest of the time. She glanced over to where her Master was sitting, and saw that surprisingly he was enjoying himself. She let herself hate him for a minute or two, when Viper snapped her back to the game.

"Tigress, you won!" Viper rejoiced.

Tigress smirked triumphantly. "So who's the sorry guy who lost?"

Viper said a little too happily, "Shifu."

Tigress's heart stopped. She had to tell her Master, who was already pretty exposed, to strip the last thing on his body? Oh, HELL no! She ranted and raved in her head for a good five minutes, and soon came to the decision to get it over with quickly.

"Alright then, Shifu, I guess you have to take off the last of what you have on..." Tigress said awkwardly.

Shifu unwillingly did what he was asked.

He was completely naked. In the nude. Au naturale. In the birthday suit. He embarrassingly covered himself, and kept it that way.

 _Wow, he has really nice muscles..._ Tigress thought. _That's weird, isn't he like 56? Shouldn't he be all old and baggy? Ew, that's what she said..._

Po and Mantis looked at each other and started laughing evilly.

Tigress looked like she was going to murder them right then and there.

"What now?" she spat.

Mantis giggled as he told her what they had been hiding. "We kinda forgot to mention that the first guy and the first girl with all of their clothes off have to go into the closet together, and do something... interesting... together."

Shifu and Tigress looked like their souls had left their bodies, and one thought went through their minds:

_I'M SCREWED!_

They were promptly pushed into the closet and Tigress threw Viper a pleading look, to which Viper only replied with a look of pity.

Once in the closet, the two kept themselves covered up still for they were more embarrassed than they could possibly describe. They didn't talk for a long time, until Po shouted from the other side of the door, "Go on, do what you need to do!"

Tigress rolled her eyes, and Shifu chuckled nervously.

"So... I guess they're not going to let us out until we do something..." she swallowed. "...worthy of what they want us to do."

He nodded. "Let's do that quickly."

Her jaw dropped. Could her Master really be suggesting...

"Yes, I did say what you think I said. Sometimes one must do something that is uncomfortable in order to get out of a sticky situation."

_Damn, he's good._

Shifu smiled mischievously. "Damn straight. I'm the best there is at what I do."

"And what exactly is it that you do, Shifu?" she asked. She had to suppress a laugh.

His smile turned into a smirk. "Let me show you what I mean..."

Before Tigress had time to react, Shifu pressed his lips to hers. The kiss was filled with passion and lust, nothing like she had ever felt before. She was surprised at her Master. She kept her eyes open in shock for a couple seconds before letting them shut and allowing herself to enjoy the kiss. They fell to the ground after a while, and broke away from each other, panting.

"Wow," Tigress breathed. "I can't believe this..." she trailed off.

Shifu shushed her but was cut off in mid shush because her lips attacked his once again.

They rolled around on the ground for a bit, kissing as passionately as Shifu had ever been kissed. His small hands roamed over her body. They had forgotten they weren't wearing anything, and when he brushed her in places she would never let anyone touch, she shivered and broke away.

Shifu looked at her seriously. "Are you okay?"

She gulped, then answered a bit shakily, "Yeah, I just haven't really done this type of thing before."

His expression went blank, and she could no longer read his face like she usually could.

"Is something wrong?" Tigress finally asked.

He did nothing, and after a minute answered her. "Well, I've never deflowered someone before..." he explained awkwardly. "I'm not sure if this is supposed to be normal or different."

"Just do what you normally would do. After all, you are the best at what you do." she reminded him with a wink.

Shifu smiled at her and met her lips again, they fell back, and soon they were clutching each other in a rhythmic motion, and the wave of pain and pleasure fell over them while screaming each others names.

As soon as they were finished, they wrapped coats from the closet around themselves, and came out of the closet to find five pairs of curious eyes watching them. They didn't ask any questions, for their fellow student and Master looked disheveled. As always, Po broke the silence.

"So let me get this straight. You guys just-"

Tigress punched him in the stomach. "If you must know, yes, we 'screwed'. Do you have a problem with that?" she asked him expectantly.

Po looked disappointed. "No, I just think it's weird..."

"Nobody asked your opinion, panda." Shifu snapped and put a protective arm around Tigress, as if to tell them 'back off, she's mine'.

Everyone in the room looked shocked at their Master. He steered Tigress out of the room, but stopped in the doorway and turned back to look at Po.

"But you were right," he smirked. "It was totally worth it."


End file.
